It's hard watching your friends and family go through bad things in their relationships and not be able to fix them. This made me start thinking about my past and the choices I made that have lead me to where I am now.
I have learned something from every relationship I've been in from how not to let a guy treat you to finding out how strong I really am or what great friends I am blessed with. The most important lesson I've learned though has been to Love Me!
Bad relationships do things to us - they can break our faith, lead us to forget who we are, cause us to do things that we regret, make us feel bad about who we are....and sadly, convince us that no one will love us, not even ourselves.
I promised myself after a long abusive (mentally and physically) relationship with someone that I thought I loved and loved me that I would always LOVE ME. How could I expect others to love me, when I didn't love myself. I would not let myself down even when everyone around me did. I am a smart, amazing person and as lucky as I am to have my friends, family, boyfriends in my life, they are even LUCKIER to have me in their lives. And in moments when I can't see clearly, I remind myself of this promise. Two simple words with the ability to change the choices we make......
LOVE YOURSELF
Lesson # The best gift we can give ourselves is to see the beauty in who we are even in the midst of chaos.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Hope out of Tragedy
Hope is the belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life.
Hope is an amazing thing.
This past year has been one of loss for my family but also one of HOPE. In November, after a long bout with diabetes and other sicknesses, my auntie Anh left us to be with my uncle and cousin in heaven. In her hospital bed, one of her last wishes was to see my other cousin and I reconcile. It had been 5 long years of disconnect between us and in all honesty, I couldn't even remember why? We'd been inseparable since childhood and then in one swift moment, the magic was over. On that day in November, we promised my auntie to work on finding our way back to each other. And it has been a slow process but we are loving each other now like that 5 year absence never even happened. In her death, my auntie brought my cousin and I back together and re-introduced us to family friends that we'd missed over the years due to the hustle and bustle of life. Out of a tragic moment in our life, came HOPE.
On this past Monday, another family member passed. Although we were not related by blood, we were bonded by our history. Auntie Lynn was one of my mum and dad's best friends from the "old country" as my dad likes to say and I'd been calling her auntie for as long as I could remember. I grew up spending summers with her daughters playing and getting into trouble. Then time passed, and 10 years later, this past Christmas - I saw her for the 1st time again. All my childhood memories came rolling back and I had to smile at her when she didn't recognize me right away. She said I was all grown up now. I'm thankful that I had the chance to see her once more. Her passing re-introduced me again to family friends and reminded me of how important it is to take time out of our busy lives to reach out to those we love.
In the midst of the tragedy of my auntie Anh's passing in November, HOPE grew. For had she not brought my cousin and I back together, I would not have been at the party at Christmas to see Auntie Lynn. Had Auntie Lynn not passed, I would not have reconnected with cousins and friends from the past, HOPE grew.
Lesson # 4: Even in tragedy, there is HOPE. And HOPE is an amazing gift that should be nurtured and gifted to others....
Hope is an amazing thing.
This past year has been one of loss for my family but also one of HOPE. In November, after a long bout with diabetes and other sicknesses, my auntie Anh left us to be with my uncle and cousin in heaven. In her hospital bed, one of her last wishes was to see my other cousin and I reconcile. It had been 5 long years of disconnect between us and in all honesty, I couldn't even remember why? We'd been inseparable since childhood and then in one swift moment, the magic was over. On that day in November, we promised my auntie to work on finding our way back to each other. And it has been a slow process but we are loving each other now like that 5 year absence never even happened. In her death, my auntie brought my cousin and I back together and re-introduced us to family friends that we'd missed over the years due to the hustle and bustle of life. Out of a tragic moment in our life, came HOPE.
On this past Monday, another family member passed. Although we were not related by blood, we were bonded by our history. Auntie Lynn was one of my mum and dad's best friends from the "old country" as my dad likes to say and I'd been calling her auntie for as long as I could remember. I grew up spending summers with her daughters playing and getting into trouble. Then time passed, and 10 years later, this past Christmas - I saw her for the 1st time again. All my childhood memories came rolling back and I had to smile at her when she didn't recognize me right away. She said I was all grown up now. I'm thankful that I had the chance to see her once more. Her passing re-introduced me again to family friends and reminded me of how important it is to take time out of our busy lives to reach out to those we love.
In the midst of the tragedy of my auntie Anh's passing in November, HOPE grew. For had she not brought my cousin and I back together, I would not have been at the party at Christmas to see Auntie Lynn. Had Auntie Lynn not passed, I would not have reconnected with cousins and friends from the past, HOPE grew.
Lesson # 4: Even in tragedy, there is HOPE. And HOPE is an amazing gift that should be nurtured and gifted to others....
Expectations lead to self destruction
I am an OVER-ACHIEVER.
It is part of my genetics - instilled in me at birth by two parents who barely saw the inside of a school in their youth because working was more important. Along with this OA gene, I'm also a pleaser - always wanting everyone to be happy. This has been a huge thorn in my side, imposing on my ability to experience life in many ways and causing me to develop something called expectations.
Expectations have been both my friend and enemy. As my friend, they have caused me to be a better student and worker. As my enemy, they have caused me stress and anger.
So I have one thing to say to expectations -- YOU'RE FIRED!
I am letting myself off the hook and freeing myself to be the best or worst version of me - expectation free. I will no longer do what others think is the right thing at the cost of my own sanity. I will not allow others to "expect" me to always be the best daughter, sister, friend, student, or worker. Everyone needs a day off.
Lesson # 3: Expectations lead to disappointment. Focus on being the best you can be and accept others as they are .....
It is part of my genetics - instilled in me at birth by two parents who barely saw the inside of a school in their youth because working was more important. Along with this OA gene, I'm also a pleaser - always wanting everyone to be happy. This has been a huge thorn in my side, imposing on my ability to experience life in many ways and causing me to develop something called expectations.
Expectations have been both my friend and enemy. As my friend, they have caused me to be a better student and worker. As my enemy, they have caused me stress and anger.
So I have one thing to say to expectations -- YOU'RE FIRED!
I am letting myself off the hook and freeing myself to be the best or worst version of me - expectation free. I will no longer do what others think is the right thing at the cost of my own sanity. I will not allow others to "expect" me to always be the best daughter, sister, friend, student, or worker. Everyone needs a day off.
Lesson # 3: Expectations lead to disappointment. Focus on being the best you can be and accept others as they are .....
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Freeing yourself through Forgiveness
ANGRY! I spent the first half of my life this way. It all started when I was 8 years old and my mummy went to heaven. I wasn't ready to say goodbye. I was so mad at God. How could HE be so cruel to take the most important person in my life away? For many years, I harbored this anger and I took it out on the world and myself. Mostly on myself.
Then it happened. BAM! I didn't see it coming but I had an epiphany. I realized that my anger was destroying me and I had to do something. My first act was forgiving God. Sounds crazy but that's what I did and with that I started going to church again. Church helped me find something I hadn't had in a long time - peace.
My second action was forgiving the people in my life -- my dad for not being the parent I needed, my brothers and sister for not guiding me as older siblings should, and my extended family for not being there for us after my mum passed away.I soon discovered that forgiveness doesn't give people a pass but in actuality is a way to free yourself.
Do I still get angry? Umm...yes of course, I'm human. I've just learned that sometimes you have to decide if it's worth it to allow that negativity to consume you. And believe me, it does consume you -- sometimes in ways, you don't even realize.
Lesson # 2: Forgiveness is a GIFT to yourself. It allows you to experience life in the purest way with an open heart.
Then it happened. BAM! I didn't see it coming but I had an epiphany. I realized that my anger was destroying me and I had to do something. My first act was forgiving God. Sounds crazy but that's what I did and with that I started going to church again. Church helped me find something I hadn't had in a long time - peace.
My second action was forgiving the people in my life -- my dad for not being the parent I needed, my brothers and sister for not guiding me as older siblings should, and my extended family for not being there for us after my mum passed away.I soon discovered that forgiveness doesn't give people a pass but in actuality is a way to free yourself.
Do I still get angry? Umm...yes of course, I'm human. I've just learned that sometimes you have to decide if it's worth it to allow that negativity to consume you. And believe me, it does consume you -- sometimes in ways, you don't even realize.
Lesson # 2: Forgiveness is a GIFT to yourself. It allows you to experience life in the purest way with an open heart.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Life as I Live It
Do you wake up some mornings and wonder how you got to this exact moment in your life? Well, I do - more often than I should. I imagine if I'd married that guy years ago, how my life would be so very different. Or if I'd focused more on college when I was younger, how I would have finished in my 20s instead of my 30s and where my professional career would be now. It's a moment where a series of emotions sweep over me -- regret, loss, laughter, happiness, sadness, wonder, tears......then snap....back to reality.
And the reality is that I am lucky. Lucky that I experienced (and survived) all the ups and downs of this thing called LIFE! I've lost a lot - my mum, my innocence - but gained so much in return - independence, circle of amazing friends. Would I trade everything and anything to have my mum back? Most definitely but in my heart I know that she has always been here. I feel her spirit in me and around me and even in my darkest moments, I take comfort in believing that she is holding my hand. And when I look in the mirror or hear kind words from friends, family or strangers, I relish in the knowledge that I am an extension of her and who I am is who she was.
Lesson # 1: Be thankful for your life's journey -- even in the midst of chaos, there is a reason for being.
And the reality is that I am lucky. Lucky that I experienced (and survived) all the ups and downs of this thing called LIFE! I've lost a lot - my mum, my innocence - but gained so much in return - independence, circle of amazing friends. Would I trade everything and anything to have my mum back? Most definitely but in my heart I know that she has always been here. I feel her spirit in me and around me and even in my darkest moments, I take comfort in believing that she is holding my hand. And when I look in the mirror or hear kind words from friends, family or strangers, I relish in the knowledge that I am an extension of her and who I am is who she was.
Lesson # 1: Be thankful for your life's journey -- even in the midst of chaos, there is a reason for being.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)